A Prayer For Those Not Ready To Forgive

A Prayer For Those Not Ready To Forgive

Sep 16, 2024 | Blog

by Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman, graduate of the IJS Clergy Leadership Program
 
The design of this season compels us to forgive,
to open our hearts, and sometimes to re-experience wounds.
Some of us have suffered profound trauma,
at the hand of parents, partners, or friends,
They might be fresh bruises
or from many years ago –
They bubble below the surface, having been pushed away,
but now re-emerge,

in the quiet or the music or the prayers.

 

Amidst the urgent pleadings of these days,
to wipe the slate clean and start anew,
some of us are not sure of the path forward.
To the person who has been violated
and to the one whose spirit has been beaten down,
And to anyone with a broken heart or a crushed soul
who might not be quite ready to forgive:

It’s ok.

 

Take your time.
Sometimes the timetable of these holy days
doesn’t match the rhythm of your heart and soul.
Sometimes our devoted prayers get intermingled with inner voices not quite resolved:
“maybe it wasn’t all that bad”
“just let go”
“let bygones be bygones”
“be the bigger person” or

“maybe I’m being too sensitive.”

 

This year,
love yourself enough
to trust
your own timing.
Be patient enough to
stay in the place of
“not yet.”
Trust that you will find your way,
that you will come to a time
where holding on

hurts more than letting go.

 

Forgive yourself for not being ready – yet.
Give yourself the time and space
to go at your own pace,
to love yourself right where you are and as you are.
From that place of acceptance,
May you have faith that the path forward will open up.
 
Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman is a graduate of the IJS Clergy Leadership Program, Founding Rabbi of the Path With Heart Community, and Executive Director of the Northern California Board of Rabbis.
Practicing Forgiveness as Surrender

Practicing Forgiveness as Surrender

Sep 16, 2024 | Blog

by Rabbi Leora Kaye, graduate of the IJS Clergy Leadership Program (full version published on Sefaria)

Why would you want to forgive someone who has wronged you? Is there any benefit to forgiving? Is there a “right” time to forgive? And what does religion have to do with it? Come to think of it, does religion have anything to do with it?

Thousands of years of Jewish text and wisdom offer us tremendous strategies for, and potential solutions to, the tricky business of forgiveness. In Jewish teaching, people are encouraged to lean toward compassion and forgiveness and to offer opportunities for others to engage in תשובה (teshuvah), traditionally defined as repentance. But the teaching is not necessarily easy to implement in real life. So, what is the essence of what Judaism teaches? Is there anything to be gained from forgiving in even the most difficult situations? What can be gleaned from Jewish sources about the value of following that path?

[In this animated video] Hanan Harchol (author and animator of the film) and his father argue about the value of accepting a friend’s apology, revealing three ways to think about forgiveness. Essentially, according to Hanan’s father, forgiveness is all about choice.

      1. Recognizing forgiveness as a free choice that reflects who you want to be: how you choose to behave and how you choose to treat other people (independent of their behavior toward you).
      2. Seeing forgiveness as a choice about how to handle your anger and how long to hold onto anger.
      3. Choosing to think about the situation from the perspective of the wrongdoer – allowing empathy to help direct your response.

Rabbi Kaye’s piece, and a full study guide, continues on Sefaria.

Rabbi Leora Kaye is a graduate of the IJS Clergy Leadership Program and serves as Director of Rabbinic Career Services for the Central Conference of American Rabbis (Reform).