by Rabbi Leora Kaye, graduate of the IJS Clergy Leadership Program (full version published on Sefaria)
Why would you want to forgive someone who has wronged you? Is there any benefit to forgiving? Is there a “right” time to forgive? And what does religion have to do with it? Come to think of it, does religion have anything to do with it?
Thousands of years of Jewish text and wisdom offer us tremendous strategies for, and potential solutions to, the tricky business of forgiveness. In Jewish teaching, people are encouraged to lean toward compassion and forgiveness and to offer opportunities for others to engage in תשובה (teshuvah), traditionally defined as repentance. But the teaching is not necessarily easy to implement in real life. So, what is the essence of what Judaism teaches? Is there anything to be gained from forgiving in even the most difficult situations? What can be gleaned from Jewish sources about the value of following that path?
[In this animated video] Hanan Harchol (author and animator of the film) and his father argue about the value of accepting a friend’s apology, revealing three ways to think about forgiveness. Essentially, according to Hanan’s father, forgiveness is all about choice.
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- Recognizing forgiveness as a free choice that reflects who you want to be: how you choose to behave and how you choose to treat other people (independent of their behavior toward you).
- Seeing forgiveness as a choice about how to handle your anger and how long to hold onto anger.
- Choosing to think about the situation from the perspective of the wrongdoer – allowing empathy to help direct your response.
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Rabbi Kaye’s piece, and a full study guide, continues on Sefaria.
Rabbi Leora Kaye is a graduate of the IJS Clergy Leadership Program and serves as Director of Rabbinic Career Services for the Central Conference of American Rabbis (Reform).
